Tis' The Season For Insecurities

 I have a love/hate relationship with gift giving.

I love thinking about the people in my life.  I love thinking about all the things they may like to receive.  I love to remember the good times we've shared over the past year.  I love to marvel over the things that have been accomplished together.  I love to think about the stuff I could make for each of you.  I love to bake, stitch, sew, cook, and can each homemade item.  I like to shop (on my own terms) for things others may enjoy, things I wouldn't have thought of on my own.  

I hate the doubt that creeps into my head.  I hate the feeling of inferiority.  I hate being worried that others will think I'm cheap.  I hate being scared of looking stupid.  I hate the competitive gift giving mentality.  I hate the commercialism around this time of year.  I hate that I buy into it at times.  I hate that I don't think the gifts I give are good enough.  I hate that I have doubts about my friends.  I hate worrying about "forgetting" someone.  I hate feeling I need to give everyone that is even remotley connected to me something or else they will think less of me.  I hate being on a budget.  I hate that I want to back out of my gifts at the last minute.  I hate wondering if "they" will give me something better that i give "them."

I do this every year.  It is awful.  I thank God that I have a wonderful family that boosts me up and tells me how nice the gifts will be.  They keep me grounded.